In 1961, Udi Shorr stood tearfully beside his father’s grave, grappling with the heartbreak of loss in a new country. His family had recently moved from Israel to the San Fernando Valley of Los Angeles, and now, without his father, 7-year-old Udi faced the challenge of growing up without his only male role model.
But out of this painful chapter in Udi’s life developed a lifelong bond that, 50 years later, continues to bring both support and joy through the strong connection with his Big Brother.
Udi’s mother, Judy, did all she could to help her son in the wake of her husband’s death. She and his teachers made sure that Udi was cared for, but it wasn’t enough. By the time he turned 9, he had withdrawn into himself. The absence of a male authority figure in his life deeply affected his confidence, and he struggled to connect with other boys.
Judy recognized that Udi needed something more — someone to help him build the confidence he had lost. “I was never athletic, and I grew up with the impression that having a dad would make me athletic,” Udi said, “because the other boys were into sports, and I was more interested in writing skits for our youth group summer camp.”
Judy, worried about her son’s future, reached out to Jewish Big Brothers of Los Angeles (now Jewish Big Brothers Big Sisters of Los Angeles). She hoped they could find a mentor to fill the void left by the death of Udi’s father.
At the same time, 30-year-old Herb Ruderman had moved to Los Angeles from New York to attend medical school. Herb’s girlfriend, Ellen, was employed as a caseworker for Jewish Big Brothers, and she frequently shared stories of the powerful impact “Bigs” had on their “Littles.” Intrigued, Herb decided to become a Big Brother himself.
In 1963, after a careful vetting and matching process, Herb was paired with Udi. Though nervous, both looked forward to spending time together. Over the next five years, Herb became a steady presence in Udi’s life, showing up for him every other week. They embarked on fossil hunts, visited museums and went on long hikes. Udi fondly remembers a trip to the San Diego Zoo, when a broken-down tram stranded them. Herb joked, “Send up a flare!” to the amusement of the other passengers. Those moments helped rebuild Udi’s self-confidence, demonstrating to him that he could take risks and step out of his comfort zone.
“Herb showed me ways to act with confidence that I wasn’t learning from anyone else,” Udi said. “I learned that you can take risks, speak your mind, or crack a joke. And it can land well and connect you to the people around you.”
Udi’s time with Herb never interfered with important family moments like celebrating birthdays or Jewish holidays. During Hanukkah, Herb made sure to drop off Udi at home after a day’s outing in time to light the menorah with his mother and sister.
While Udi gained confidence, Herb experienced his own personal growth. Despite the grueling hours of medical school and the demands of residency, Herb always made time for Udi. The mentorship became a welcome respite from his hectic schedule.
“It gave me a break from the residency and eventually my new practice,” Herb said. “And I wasn’t doing it due to obligation because he was my family member. It was a true desire to take care of him. It influenced the way I behaved toward my own brother and sisters. And I learned from him too. I’m a dog person, and one time Udi wanted to go to a pet store and look at snakes. I was afraid of snakes, but he loved them! So I did it for him, and years later I actually ended up owning a snake as a pet! The relationship encouraged me to do things out of my comfort zone because Udi wanted to do them, and I grew as a person because of it.”
Their bond grew deeper over the years, and Udi began to think of Herb as more than just a mentor — he had become like family. This connection became especially meaningful during Udi’s Bar Mitzvah. Judy had committed to singing in the choir during the ceremony, leaving Udi to sit alone with his relatives. Concerned about how her son would feel on such an important day, she asked Herb and Ellen to sit with him. Their presence reassured Udi and made the day special.
When Udi’s mother remarried and the family moved to San Pedro, the regular outings with Herb came to an end. However, their relationship endured as they stayed in touch through letters and phone calls. Udi remained close to Herb through significant life events — Udi’s time in the Israeli Defense Forces, his return to the U.S. to attend film school, and even his wedding. Herb never missed a milestone, cheering him on and celebrating with him.
As their lives moved forward, both men found success in their careers — Herb as a child psychiatrist and Udi as an independent freelancer in the field of advertising. Udi even followed in Herb’s footsteps by becoming a Big Brother himself. Today, Udi is 71 and lives in New Jersey, while Herb, now 94, remains in Los Angeles. Despite the physical distance, they remain close, often visiting and checking in with one another.
“To this day, I’m still impressed that a medical student found the time to volunteer as my Big Brother,” Udi said. “He always made me feel that I was cared enough about for him to put his work aside and come out and spend time with me. I think it made me feel more confident, and it opened worlds of possibilities that my beleaguered mother didn’t have the resources to do herself.”
“It’s just fortuitous that it was such a great match,” Herb said. “I never stopped complimenting the organization for the effort they made to match two people who were comfortable with each other and continue to be after all these years.”
Herb and Udi’s story is a testament to the life-changing impact of mentoring and the critical endurance of organizations like Jewish Big Brothers Big Sisters of Los Angeles. Through individual outings or community events like JBBBSLA’s annual Hanukkah celebration, Bigs and Littles benefit immensely from their time shared together. It only takes a few hours a month to create lifelong bonds and open a world of possibilities for children in Los Angeles.