What is a Synagogue for? 

If we are to flourish, we need people. We need friendship. We need shared purpose. 

Essential to a sense of well-being is being a member of a community where we know others and feel known by them. When we “show up” for people in our community it helps us feel like we are making a difference in someone’s life, and this is healing for the recipient. 

In an era where people are increasingly isolated, where modern society has rare and thin cultural practices that bring us together, let alone that incorporate the elderly and adolescents as welcome parts of society, we are slowly suffering the dysfunctions of living in a large disconnected world. We spend more time “scrolling” than strolling in public spaces. We look more often at Facebook than people’s faces. 

The synagogue is an ancient institution that restores our sense of well-being. It is a gift of Jewish culture to be oriented around a synagogue, but, alas, too many are missing out on this experience. We would do well to rediscover the ancient Jewish practice of making the synagogue a pillar of our lives. 

How to Choose a Synagogue 

In selecting a synagogue, what we are really seeking is a community — a place where we can express ourselves and participate Jewishly. It is not merely a reflection of our religious sensibilities. 

People tend to mostly think about the flavor of services – their for – mat, melodies, atmosphere, and the experience of them. It may be more important to think of a synagogue as a community of people with a leadership. Connecting with both – the members and the leadership is key, as they deliver a more vivid sense of what your overall experience may be. It’s then time to feel the “vibe,” the sensibilities and culture of the place and make sure that it feels at least nominally inviting. It is less important to find a place that already aligns with you than it is to find a place that dignifies you. Feeling seen is probably more important than feeling welcomed. 

Once we find a synagogue community that more or less feels right, it is important to “show up.” This is the one commitment that the synagogue has no control over – you do. Find the areas that you find compelling, be they spiritual, religious, intellectual, community service oriented, whatever, start attending and get engaged. If you don’t find the kind of programs that speak to you, say something to the leadership. (But be forewarned, you might just be volunteering yourself to start the very program you want to see—there are worse things, of course, as the Dalai Lama is credited with the mitzvah, “Be the change you want to see in the world…”) 

Showing up is not only about getting something from the program at a synagogue, it is the critical factor in building a meaningful sense of community. No where is this more evident and healing than at a shivah. When people show up for you in a time of loss, even those that you may not have been particularly close to, there is a feeling of comfort that cannot be described, and it cannot be found anywhere else in quite the same way. The members of your synagogue community quietly bring with them thousands of years of Jewish culture and peoplehood. Your experience of a most fracturing time in all of our lives is made softer and gentler by having spent your time showing up to your synagogue community. 

Finding Your Place 

One of the ways people get a first impression of a synagogue at, say, services on Shabbat, is to look around to see who is there. Not just to see if they know anyone, but to see if they “recognize” anyone. Does anyone there seems to be “like them,” of their demographic, or who share other interests, values, stage of life, etc. 

If you don’t immediately find them, keep coming back – at least three more times before making a final judgement. It can take a few encounters before the place and the people start to feel familiar. 

It is also helpful to set up a meeting with the Clergy, as they are the central figureheads of the community. If you feel that you can relate to them, and that they can relate to you, you’re off to a great start in finding your place. 

Beyond Denominations 

Once upon a time, Jews would simply look for the synagogue within the denomination they grew up in, i.e. Orthodox, Conservative, Re – form, etc. Happily, today, many of these denominationally affiliated synagogues have a broad range of expression, and each can have unique feels and cultures. Again, look for and at the people, not only the labels. 

A Covenant of Action 

Before the Israelites received the 10 Commandments at Mt. Sinai, God told Moses to tell the people: “If you surely hear my Voice and commit to this covenant, then you will be a treasure to Me.” 

Judaism is not just about belief, it’s about action. God can only touch the world through what we do, and this awareness is what Juda – ism is about. To truly be a member of the covenant, we need to make space within ourselves to “hear” what the synagogue community stands for and offers, and we need to “show up” and participate with others. 

When we do this, a synagogue becomes a center for rooting our – selves in, and to be nourished by – a very wise and meaningful tradition. A tradition that continues to let us flourish as Jews and as people.