Matchmaker, Matchmaker!
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Making a case for an old world tradition this Tu B’av.
After years of prioritizing his career as a fundraiser, Nate S. of Pasadena was ready to settle down and find his significant other. After reading about some dating app “horror stories,” he took a look at a matchmaking service instead. What sealed the deal for him was seeing someone he knew in the testimonial section on the website. So he decided to give it a try.
As most people do when thinking about their ideal future partner, Nate had to provide a few must-have traits that he definitely wanted in his significant other. For him, those were a good sense of humor, brains and a solid work ethic.
Aside from characteristics and personality traits, another factor many consider when looking for a match is religion. Nate says he wasn’t 100% set on being with someone who identifies as culturally Jewish like he does, but it would be a nice bonus if she did.
His six-month package had technically ended in August 2023 after a few first, some second and third dates. He hadn’t found “the one,” but was still in the matchmaking service’s dating pool with the potential to be matched to an active client.
Soon a er, another matchmaking service reached out. e service was working with a client named Amy (also Jewish) and thought that Nate might be a good match for her. On September 17, 2023, Nate and Amy went on their first date.
“I asked her out for a second date before the rst date ended,” Nate says, “and that was the rst, and also was going to be the last time I do that.” Nate proposed to Amy on April 25, 2024, and the couple is planning a wedding in 2025.
“I told the matchmaker that I wasn’t necessarily dating to marry, but dating to at least nd my signi cant other. In the case of Amy, I met her, and it was 100% to marry,” Nate says. “ e idea was de nitely to date to nd my soulmate, and I did.”
Matchmaking (shidduchim) is an ancient Jewish tradition that dates back to biblical times and still exists in the modern age. It’s the throughline in Fiddler on the Roof, set in 1905. It’s also featured in e Marvelous Mrs. Maisel seasons 4 and 5 — set in the early 1960s — and was the focus of the 2023 one-season Net ix reality series aptly named Jewish Matchmaking.
Today, it is still commonplace to work with a matchmaker in many Orthodox communities, but not always as common for less religious Jewish people to go this traditional route. ough online and appbased dating continues to be a booming industry across all generations and religions, matchmaking services are still making their mark on the industry to help singles nd their bashert.
Like Nate was focused on his career, so was Talia Goldstein. After years of working in Los Angeles as a producer for programs like VH1’s Behind the Music and E! True Hollywood Story, Talia made a career shi to something she had always loved — love.
“While I was in high school, I started hosting blind-date parties,” Talia says. “I loved love — I was just always into love.” While working at her corporate jobs, she continued the tradition and started matching up coworkers and friends, and she o ered relationship advice straight from her office.
“It was never something I thought would be my profession — it didn’t even cross my mind,” she adds. “I just really loved love and setting people up and helping them with dating.” Soon her matchmaking skills expanded beyond the cubicle, and she was hosting events for hundreds of singles around Los Angeles. “I realized there was something missing in the market. If all of these people were paying to come to my singles event, they were having trouble. And so I decided to leave my job in television and start a matchmaking company.”
That company is ree Day Rule, and it’s the service to thank for bringing Nate and Amy together.
Over the past 14 years, ree Day Rule has grown beyond Los Angeles to serve 12 major cities, including San Francisco, New York, Chicago and, most recently, Miami. e company now has 50 full-time matchmakers across the country, plus a dedicated LGBTQIA+ department, and it has helped clients as old as 80.
After years of scaling ree Day Rule, Talia sold the company in 2019 but stayed on as president, a role that has allowed her to get back to the root of what she loves most — matching people.
“As singles come into the system, I’m interviewing them. So I get to hear their backstory and what they’re looking for in a partner and their vision, and I make sure I feel we can deliver for them,” Talia says. “And if I feel we can deliver, they become a client, and my job is to pick the right matchmaker for them and help them with the matching process on the backend.”
“I’ve been doing this for almost 15 years, and I’m fully invested in all of our clients, and I’m talking to the matchmakers all the time because more than anything, we want to get them into a happy, healthy relationship.”
–Talia Goldstein, founder of Three Day Rule
Someone else with a longtime love of love is Alessandra Conti, who co-founded the dating service Matchmakers In The City in 2012 with her sister, Cristina.
“We always had the gift for setting up our friends,” Alessandra says. “Everyone is blessed with something, and we were blessed with being social butterflies and also knowing when two people are just going to connect. And as I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned that it’s a skill and it’s a talent, and not everybody has the matchmaking gene.”
What started as Alessandra and Cristina working as “neighborhood matchmakers” in Beverly Hills has grown organically over the past dozen years into a team of seven matchmakers with a “very strong specialty” in Jewish matchmaking, as well as Christian matchmaking, across multiple major cities.
“There is just this set of values that’s understood, like, ‘Hey, these are our values. This is what we’re doing,’” Alessandra says. “We kind of all agree on the basics, and all the other stuff is just a whole lot easier. I of course love working with all our members, but I think having those anchors of religion, those pillars, are game-changing in the dating scene.”
Aside from religious beliefs, two other dealbreakers her team keeps in mind when matching are thoughts on marriage and kids. Alessandra recommends that anyone looking for love keep an open mind about elements like age, height, looks and even location within Los Angeles or beyond because she’s seen people “self-sabotage themselves out of happily ever after.”
“I think their values have to be aligned. But then for other elements, it’s so important to keep an open mind with those,” Alessandra says. “People shoot themselves in the foot when they say, ‘I won’t date someone who lives outside the Westside.’ It boggles my mind.”
In Nate’s case, keeping an open mind about things like location allowed him to match with Amy, who lives in Orange County.
“That was one of the things I did tell Three Day Rule when I first signed up, that I do a lot of work in Orange and San Diego counties, and I spend a lot of time in my car,” Nate says. “So I was like, ‘Orange County is not too far away for me to consider dating somebody,’ and I was able to do a lot of after-work type things with Amy when we first started dating.”
So how does it all work? Three Day Rule and Matchmakers In The City have a similar intake process that begins with an initial meeting, where they get to know you, gather info on your background and dating history, prioritize your non-negotiables and figure out your relationship goals. Unlike swiping on an app, where bachelors and bachelorettes are left to their own devices, your matchmaker is there to help you every step of the way.
“After a date, we’ll collect feedback from both sides,” Three Day Rule’s Talia says. “To me, that feedback is incredibly valuable because you get to learn how you’re coming across on a date, which is information you do not get outside of matchmaking. So you might be on a date with someone, and you think you’re showing interest but you’re actually not, and they don’t know that you’re interested in a second date. So all these very tiny tweaks end up making a big difference. We capture that information, and we help our clients through that process. And then you would tell the matchmaker how you felt, and we strategize on what to do next.”
Matchmakers In The City also takes a hands-on approach with its priority members, offering pre-date coaching and expert sessions to help clients put their best foot forward.
“We have the client do a pre-date coaching meeting and a postdate meeting,” says Alessandra of Matchmakers In The City. “In predate coaching, you can kind of work out any of those jitters or shift a mindset around dating, because a lot of people who come to us are just absolutely exhausted and frustrated from using dating apps.”
For both Talia and Alessandra, nothing makes them happier than making a match and seeing their clients go on to lead a happy life together.
Alessandra says, “It’s so beautiful — there’s nothing greater than this.”
“It truly never gets old,” Talia says. “I’ve been doing this for almost 15 years, and I’m fully invested in all of our clients, and I’m talking to the matchmakers all the time because more than anything, we want to get them into a happy, healthy relationship.”
Meet your match at threedayrule.com and matchmakersinthecity.com.
