For people who didn’t mark the occasion at 12 or 13, adult b’nai mitzvah is an option. From their teenage years through to their centenary, young adults and adults have been marking and personalizing this ritual. “You’re never too old,” says Rabbi Jason Miller, who has tutored people in their 80s for the ceremony. Rabbi Barbara Aiello, the first woman rabbi in Italy, has officiated at ceremonies for those in their 90s as well as young adults. She mentions the bar mitzvah of a neurodivergent 19-year-old. He could only recite the Shema, so that became the text of his ceremony. Afterwards, he was thrilled and announced, “I am bar mitzvah!” Welcoming students who have learning differences, are neurodivergent or have physical disabilities requires flexibility. Rabbi Jason says, “I meet people where they are.” Rabbi Barbara notes that many people did not have a bar or bat mitzvah earlier in life because of language humiliation. Adult b’nai mitzvah courses and tutoring can include a range of options from reading and reciting in Hebrew to reading transliteration, thus removing the language barrier without removing meaning from the ritual.

By all accounts, adults who are called to the torah as b’nai mitzvah feel a sense of accomplishment. “In general, I see a lot of pride and satisfaction on the part of participants. For some, it represents fulfilling an expectation of parents or grandparents that they had not been able to do when they were younger. For others it is about gaining more of the skills that they want in order to feel more connected and competent as Jewish adults,” says Rabbi Barry Diamond, Temple Adat Elohim in Thousand Oaks. 

The time commitment for those considering adult b’nai mitzvah ranges from 3 – 24 months. Group learning with a group ceremony is an option that synagogues and independent rabbis offer. Whether on Zoom or inperson, group classes offer support and camaraderie. It takes the spotlight off of one person, which can be daunting for some, and puts it onto the accomplishment of the group as a whole. Within that structure, learning and participation in the service can be tailored to each individual’s needs. 

Each synagogue may have its own requirements, so there may be research involved to find a program that fits. Says Rabbi Diamond, “There is no certifying body creating requirements… Every rabbi decides for themselves.” 

Below are some options for information, classes and tutoring for adult b’nai mitzvah. Some group classes stopped during the pandemic quarantine but are hopeful of resuming these courses this year.